Thursday, 22 November 2012

If NFL Quarterbacks Were Girlfriends

Ever think your NFL QB acts a lot like that girl you used to know? So did we...

Arizona – Kevin Kolb, John Skelton, Ryan Lindley: Short lived drunken hook-ups, better left forgotten. 

Atlanta - Matt Ryan: Polite, very sexy, but something of a prude- she’ll never go all the way.

Baltimore - Joe Flacco: Caring and dependable, but there’s no fire.

Buffalo - Ryan Fitzpatrick: Got married after 3 dates, living with the consequences.

Carolina - Cam Newton: Starts off hot and heavy, but ends quickly with hurt feelings.

Cincinnati - Andy Dalton: Slutty ginger, a steady booty-call. Could develop into something more.

Cleveland - Brandon Weeden: The classic she likes you more than you like her. You suspect she might be lying about her age.

Chicago - Jay Cutler: Whiny and high maintenance, but sexy with rich parents.

Dallas - Tony Romo: On again off again romance, it just can’t last forever.

Denver - Peyton Manning: Best friend’s ex-girlfriend, super-hot, but it will end badly.

Detroit - Matt Stafford: Chubby party girl, lots of fun, but nothing serious.

Green Bay - Aaron Rodgers: Good bond, mutual respect, but losing that spark? Keeps comparing herself to your ex.

Houston - Matt Schaub: Intelligent, good personality. Not the prettiest but she’ll do whatever.

Indianapolis - Andrew Luck: The classic rebound chick. Young and dorky but willing to learn.

Jacksonville - Blaine Gabbert: Long courtship, short affair.

Kansas City - Matt Cassel: A friend’s old hook-up, but still better than your other options.

Miami - Ryan Tannehill: Good body, no brains.

New Orleans - Drew Brees: Starts off smooth, but turns out she’s a gold digger.

New York Giants - Eli Manning: Your friend’s younger sister who you’re secretly in love with. Nasty inferiority complex.

New York Jets - Mark Sanchez: Self-centred model chick, but you can’t dump her… even if you do have a shot with a virgin.

New England - Tom Brady: Cute, smart, your family loves her, but there are trust issues.

Minnesota - Christian Ponder: Kind of cute but still very young, will she blossom or get fat? Only time will tell.

Oakland - Carson Palmer: Friend of a friend, but every date just goes horribly wrong.

Philadelphia - Michael Vick: Ex-girlfriend, giving it another try. Ends like before. Too many arguments leave you in the dog-house.

Pittsburgh - Ben Rothlisberger: Bit of a MILF, but her best days are behind her. Gets way too aggressive between the sheets.

San Diego - Philip Rivers: See Chicago - except replace sexy with average.

San Francisco - Alex Smith: The girl you just can’t shake… she’s been there through thick and thin, but it may be time...

Seattle - Russel Wilson: Sexy bookworm with a wild streak… could have long-term potential.

St. Louis - Sam Bradford: Witty and fun, but very average in bed.

Tampa Bay - Josh Freeman: Attractively unpredictable, but too hard to keep up with.

Tennessee - Jake Locker: Can look very hot, but keeps complaining she has a 'headache'.

Washington - Robert Griffin III: Could be the full package, but has a bad group of friends.

By Matt Mandich


  1. Wheres the vikings and dolphins?

  2. Miami's there, but there's no Titans or Vikings...

    Ponder might only be a good girl because there's a black guy behind her?

    Locker's got potential, just get rid of the older sister you used to settle for. Not going to make the same racial running back joke twice...

  3. Minnesota and Tennessee are the Vikings and Titans...

  4. There's 32 teams in the NFL and 32 teams in this list...


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