Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Week Ten Powerless Rankings

Another week is in the books and we’re slowly advancing towards the end of the regular season. Actually, after this week there’s only one more powerless ranking left! What are we going to do until next season? Well, we have the end of season big board to look forward to, BAFANL football, then the pre-season Top 25 and powerless rankings!

Unfortunately for the teams on this list, their respective seasons are all but over after less than impressive seasons. No need to worry though because we always like to provide some positives at DC, so here’s ours for today. Players, coaches, fans, random man with his dog who seems to be at every game, just remember what Professor Brian Cox and the rest of D’Ream said – things can only get better!

10. Staffordshire Stallions (1-5)
We were torn for which team to start the power rankings. Constantly debating between MMU and Staffordshire, we ultimately went with the Stallions because they’ve been in playing in losing games of late. Staffs latest game, a 58-14 loss to Hallam, was enough to see the team drop to the bottom spot in the Big North Western Conference and the top spot in our powerless ranking.

Next game – vs. MMU Eagles – 24th February

9. Wolverhampton Wildcats (0-4)
Can’t rank a team so low when they’re not playing games and other teams around them are losing. And it’s for this reason that the Wildcats find themselves moving up to the number nine spot. Looking at the fixtures we’ve received, the Wildcats next game is NTU. Not a good game for a team trying to escape our dreaded board of misery...

Next game – @ NTU Renegades – 24th February

8. ARU Rhinos (1-5)
Following their forfeit against the Essex Blades, the Rhinos found themselves on the receiving end of a crushing 47-0 loss to the Westminster Dragons to remain winless and scoreless in 2013. With their game against LSBU being awarded as a 1-0 forfeit victory, ARU will be safe in the knowledge that they’ve achieved a 0.250 or better record in their rookie season.

Next game – vs. Canterbury Chargers – needs to be rescheduled.

7. Edinburgh Napier Knights (0-6)
Originally, we had the Knights at the number eight spot, but their forfeit against the Clansmen in the past twenty four hours has dropped the Knights another spot. Fortunately for the Knights, their next game is against the one win UWS Pyros so there’s a slim chance that the Knights avoid the wooden spoon this season!

Next game – @ UWS Pyros – 24th February

6. Greenwich Mariners (1-5)
#MeanTime (sorry, we stole that from Tony Edwards), drop down to the number six spot following their 31-14 loss to the Essex Blades in the ‘you used to be good bowl’. With a forfeited win against LSBU to be added to their record, it’s not all doom and gloom for the Mariners. Well, it is, they still have the worse points conceded record in the country...

Next game – @ Canterbury Chargers – 24th February

5. Bath Spa Bulldogs (0-6)
Bath Spa’s game against Cardiff was postponed at the weekend meaning the Bulldogs were out of action at the weekend. After a lot of thinking/procrastinating, we’ve decided to start a conspiracy. The conspiracy is that Bath Spa asked Cardiff to postpone the game so the Bulldogs would have more time to prep for their upcoming game against the Royals in the ‘wouldn’t it be hilarious if this game ended in a tie bowl’. In reality though, the game was probably called for a legitimate reason and the Bulldogs were fully prepared to take on the Cobras and weren’t even thinking about the Royals! But you know, someone will believe a random conspiracy theory!

Next game – vs. Worcester Royals – 24th February

4. Royal Holloway Bears (0-6)
So let us get this right...Royal Holloway conceded 26 to Surrey and scored zero points, but when they played the Brunel Burners (that’s the Burners who are challenging for the playoffs), the Bears only conceded 22 points and managed a score of their own...my brain hurts just trying to think how this happened! Nevertheless, RHUL are still win less and are rapidly running out of games to play. Just reschedule your game against Oxford already! We want a toilet bowl!

Next game – @ Portsmouth Destroyers – 24th February

3. Worcester Royals (0-5)
They’re playing, they’re not playing, they’re playing, they’re not playing...pretty much how you could sum up Worcester’s past few weeks as they saw their game against Cardiff called off numerous times. With a possible mid-week game against Gloucester before their game winnable game against Bath Spa, this week may be the time we see the Royals win a game. MAKE IT HAPPEN ALREADY!

Next game – vs. Gloucester Gladiators – 20th February

2. DMU Falcons (1-6)
DMU have finally moved off the bottom spot...CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON! Now, DMU haven’t done anything special to lose the number one spot, it’s just that the Lancers are really bad. Like Accrington Stanley bad (a lot of you may be thinking “who are they?” and all we can say is “exactly”). With the Outlaws left to play, DMU have one final shot at claiming their first official ‘W’ of the season.

Next game – vs. Nottingham Outlaws – 24th February

1. Oxford Lancers (0-6)
When you’re averaging one point per game, you’re pretty bad. When you concede 45-0 points to Surrey (our predictor said 50! So close!), you’re pretty bad. When you’re conceding more than 33 points per game (on average), you’re pretty bad. When we run out of comparisons, we’re pretty sad. With BNU (and possibly RHUL) left on the schedule, it’s safe to say it’s a season to forget for the guys from Oxford. We’re sure they’ll be too busy stroking their amazing degree to care though (that’s a joke btw).

Next game – @ BNU Buccaneers – 24th February


  1. Do you ever actually watch any games? Or do you hide forever behind your keyboard throwing out the insults? Wow... tough guy!

    1. Says the guy posting anonymously...

      All our writers who all take part in games around the country as players, coaches or admin staff are listed on our staff intro post.

  2. Haha ironic. wait, double irony. oh sheeeeeet

  3. have the Wildcats not won games by default? there are away games that they scraped a team together for and still couldn't play. Their continuous bad luck has not all been down to them!


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