Thursday, 29 November 2012

If NFL Running Backs Were Girlfriends

The warm reception to our little QB Girlfriends article got us thinking... 

Arizona – LeRod Stephens-Howling: You’ve cast off a number of options already this year before settling on your latest thing. She’s petite and exciting but your friends are worried she won’t last.

Atlanta – Michael Turner: You used to think she was wife material but things are getting a bit stale lately, plus there’s a new girl catching your eye.

Baltimore – Ray Rice: She’s smoking hot and you’re into her, but she gets really needy when you don’t pay her enough attention.

Buffalo – C.J. Spiller: You’ve been seeing this hot new thing behind your wife’s back for a while now, but you’re finally ready to own up and commit to your affair.

Carolina – J. Stewart/D. Williams: You’ve been two-timing for as long as anyone can remember, but with rumours flying around that one of your girls has had enough could be forced to settle down.

Chicago – Matt Forte: The hottest you’ve had in years but you’ve pissed her off by flirting with a new girl. She’s still your number one, but she’s not very thick-skinned.

Cincinnati – Benjarvus Green-Ellis: Divorcee who’s as dependable and trustworthy as they come. Just what you need after years of being hurt.

Cleveland – Trent Richardson: Smoking hot babe you’ve somehow managed to snag. She’s way too good for you, but luckily she doesn’t know it yet.

Dallas – DeMarco Murray: Everyone thought you’d be the perfect match, but she’s done nothing but mess you around.

Denver – Willis McGahee: She’s been around the block but you trust her more than some of the new talent on display. Unfortunately she looks like she wants some space so you’ll have to make do for a few weeks.

Detroit – Mikel LeShore: You’ve been really unlucky in love and just can’t find someone dependable. You have some doubts about this one as she’s hurt you in the past, but right now things are going great.

Green Bay – Cedric Benson: Everyone knows you haven’t been interested in committing in the past, but you’ve tried to settle down this year. It hasn’t worked out very well so you’ll probably go back to your old ways.

Houston – Arian Foster: She’s an absolute babe and you trust her implicitly. A little quirky, but when she does the stuff she does who’s complaining? Plus she doesn’t get mad about your bit on the side.

Indianapolis – D. Brown/V. Ballard: You just got divorced and needed somebody new, problem is you couldn’t be picky and this is the best you could get. Still, the bachelor lifestyle is working out surprisingly well.

Jacksonville – Maurice Jones-Drew: There were some nasty gold-digger allegations flying around during the summer, and maybe she is only with you for the money… but let’s be honest, that’s all you really have to offer her now after all those years of abuse and broken dreams.

Kansas City – Jamaal Charles: She really hurt you by leaving last year, but she’s back now and ready to give it another shot. Trouble is you’re in a bad place right now and can’t give her want she wants.

Miami – Reggie Bush: Ex of colleague. Tired of being played and just wants some commitment. Lots of potential but some of your friends aren’t convinced she’s wife material.

New Orleans – D. Sproles/P. Thomas/M. Ingram/C. Ivory: You consider yourself something of a pimp. Keeping this many girls happy simultaneously isn’t easy, but somehow you make it work. Everyone else is jealous of what you’ve got, but your Dad has just left you and you don’t know if he’s coming back.

NYG – Ahmed Bradshaw: Until recently you liked to play the field, but you’ve tried to settle down this year. Unfortunately your girl hasn’t been repaying your trust, and you don’t have much faith in your new paramour either. 

NYJ – Shonne Greene: Ugly and fat, but she’s all you have to rely on these days.

New England – Steven Ridley: She knows you’re not exclusive, but things are certainly heating up between you. 

Minnesota – Adrian Peterson: She broke your heart when she left you last year, and you were starting to worry she wasn’t going to come back. Luckily she did and she’s a real keeper.

Oakland – Darren McFadden: She does the nastiest stuff in bed, but then leaves you for months at a time.

Philadelphia – LeSean McCoy: Absolute babe with everything going for her. Nobody can understand why you don’t see her more often.

Pittsburgh – Rashard Mendenhall: Prone to making weird outbursts and embarrassing you at parties, but you have a lot in common. Recently she left for a while and someone new and exciting has caught your eye.

San Diego – Ryan Mathews: Things haven’t been the same since ‘the one’ left. This new girl is ok, but just isn’t her. Should’ve put a ring on it when you had the chance.

San Francisco – Frank Gore: Everyone got mad at you for cheating on this one earlier in the year, but it turns out your heart was in the right place all along and you’re with her for the long haul.

Seattle – Marshawn Lynch: She’s really dependable and even though you’ve been going steady for a while every so often she’ll surprise you by doing something amazing.

St. Louis – Steven Jackson: Your long suffering wife. Nobody can understand why you aren’t more grateful to her, and there are ugly rumours of domestic abuse flying around. She needs to wise up and find someone who will respect her before it’s too late.

Tennessee – Chris Johnson: Started off as the best you’ve ever had but got stale quick. Introducing some role-play has helped spice things back up.

Tampa Bay – Doug Martin: You’ve ditched your unreliable ex for this sexy new thing, and it’s the best decision you’ve ever made. She’s a hot little number and you go really well together.

Washington – Alfred Morris: Nobody expected much from this as you have a history of being something of a commitment-phobe, but she’s proving to be everything you ever wanted. Could she be the one to change you?

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